Carmen's Box

(this page is work in progress...) I was born and raised in Mexico, in a small town in the outskirts of Guadalajara, Colonia Jalisco, it’s called. I currently reside in the States. I travel often. I have been to just about every country and some less popular cities but nevertheless amazing and thirsty to be discovered. I can’t tell you which place I liked most. I feel bad to say that I can’t recall all the places I have visited. I will have to look into my history and hope it’s still there. From all the cities that I have visited; I have not met one single person. I see them all around, but never their face. I can’r talk to them, even if I’d like to. However, I don’t believe in creating new friendships because friendships just as any relationship must be nourished and well --I don’t have time for that. I still have many places to visit. I don’t have time to engage in any conversations since I will have to leave again and travel to a new place: a new adventure. I noticed how people...

Oh I never said it was easy... in fact, nothing in this world is easy. It is not easy to start a habit, and surely it ain’t easy to kick the habit. I tell you because I have been there before. If there is something that bad habits have taught me though; it’s that I am stronger than I would like to give myself credit. To begin, I have been addicted to many bad things, I won’t mention them all because this note is not intentionally written to talk about the habits I had encounter, but to let you know how I kicked them - hence the title of this page. Two of the most challenging bad habits that I quit within the last five years are: cigarettes and gossip. I don’t know which was the hardest to be honest, and I don’t know which was the deadliest, but i tell ya: it wasn’t easy. Smoking cigarettes, was the “cool” thing to do. Everyone did it, why not me? Well, I was wrong. If everyone jumped off a cliff, would I do it? And that was my point and the beginning to an end. I had quit other ...

She sat on the kitchen floor of her Down Town apartment as she wept. Holding a bottle of liquor with her right hand and a glass on the other. She viciously poured glass after glass of the relentless burning water as she said: Oohhhh Unforgiving heart! You've let me down. I am ready to trust. I am ready to love. I'm sorry I've let you down, it's the only way I have learned to cope. You see, I trusted a man once and he stepped on me like you step on dried fallen leaves in late autumn. He said I was all he ever wanted and admired, but when autumn ended, he vanished with the wind. Oh you, Unforgiving heart! you've disappointed me again, I can't let love go and you're standing there firm like a rock. You wouldn't know what pain is if I tried to explain a million times. I don't mean to disrespect you, I don't mean to make you cry, I'm not rock-hard by choice, I'm rock-hard by how I've been sealed o...

Dear Baby, not so baby anymore. You’re gonna go through life; a path that will be rocky at some points. There will be curves, hills, and other obstacles along the way. You will look around you and you will realize that your life is a lot different than most of your friends. You will probably start to wonder why. Why things happened this way and not any other way. Perhaps, you will love it, perhaps you wont. Life isn’t always perfect. We as daughters or sons, want to have a life where all of our needs are met. We want our caretakers to give us everything we ask for. We don’t want homework. We don’t want a difficult teacher. We want our caretakers to say yes to everything we want. We want life to be easy, because easy doesn’t require much effort. Easy is EASY. But you see, if easy were that easy, then there would be no fun. There would be no enjoyment on daily activities, there would be no skilled people, in a sense: Easy would be boring! You are now at a stage in your life where...

I have to remind myself every day that I am doing the best that I can to raise Natalia the best way I know. Being a mom is such a challenging job. Geez, I thought being a stay-at-home wife was tough, to think ahead what to make for dinner, make sure the house is clean including behind the toilets where mold or dust and hair hide. To make sure the pantry had no expired food, and make sure the fridge and freezer were clean. I made sure each morning the house smelled like fresh brewed coffee, and began my day by drinking a hot cup of... --- ok that sounds almost too poetic, but no, I hate hot coffee-- .. warm coffee and just chug it and get my day started. I was impatiently waiting to meet my baby, well it was more than 6 months before I got to meet her. I downloaded pregnancy apps. I bought books. I read a lot. Every day I would read about the embryo’s development. I would read different apps impatiently hoping each day was something new to learn about it. Reading how the embryo gr...